aj_crawley | (no subject)

"It was trying to crush at least two of my vertebrae," Crowley explains.

"Or at least, I hope that's what it was trying to do."

He laughs softly. From here, he realises, he can see the bottom edge of Crowley's hairline, still wet from his shower.

"I don't want to know what the alternative is, do I?"

"Well, I don't know where you've been for the last five years, but - "

"I'm certain I don't want to know what the alternative is," he says quickly.

"And I know from personal experience that that's a lie."

"That's a terrible thing to accuse me of," he says, but it's not exactly a denial.

"Oh. Well, I'll take note of it from now on then, shall I?"

"Please do. I'm sure you want to avoid unintentionally causing offence to anyone."

"I'm not saying it won't be difficult, but I'll do my best. Perhaps separate beds might help?"

"You know, I don't think I'm that dedicated to the cause," he says, thoughtful.

"If you don't want to know, you don't want to know," Crowley insists nobly. "I mean, it's a sacrifice, but it'd help me resist temptation."

"If you're tempted by that device whilst we're in bed, I suspect there are larger issues to deal with."

"I'm pretty sure we haven't been talking about the remote for at least a minute or two."

Pun in hand, Crowley makes a break for the end zone.

"In that case, which temptation are you resisting?"

He pauses.

"Actually, I don't-- er. Perhaps that should wait until we've rested a bit more."

"I was fairly sure we'd moved on to your analogous experiences."

Touchdown.

Lips pursed, he heaves a longsuffering sigh.

"I wouldn't know," he says, "as I've never been shoved into the couch cushions. Quite like that."

" - Really?"

The satisfaction of a pun well-delivered is shunted to one side; Crowley seems to genuinely be a little taken aback.

"The thing was completely hidden in them, as far as I could tell. Er. Wasn't it?" He cranes his neck unsuccessfully to see behind Crowley.

"Oh. Well - yeah. But that's a matter of size rather than enthusiasm, isn't it?"

He shoots him a horrified look.

"I'm not actually certain whether to hope that you're talking about the remote."

"I - what?"

He bites his lip, with the cornered look of one who knows he's only made things worse.

"I am larger than the remote control. And, I should hope, more enthusiastic. So it's actually a matter of both size and enthusiasm."

"N...o," Crowley says slowly. "What?"

"...No?" he repeats, looking increasingly desperate.

"I thought that I disproved that theory earlier, on the enthusiasm point at least."

"What theory?" Crowley says, looking progressively blanker. "What are you talking about."